So I’m going to mention the elephant in the room (aka Bicester) Garth park….Took the kids to the cafe in Garth park which is awesome by the way. Great value, great food, clean and it has toys and books to keep the smaller ones happyish.

Anyhow lunch inhaled kids raring to go to the park. Change of cloths in the bag (kids are going to get soaked) off we trot all the time me thinking yeah this seems nice and quietish.

Not working AGAIN!!

Kids run in ready to splash…….in a bloody puddle of mud. Shock horror the god knows how much it cost, newly refurbished Garth park splash area is yet again not bloody working. Unless you count 2 of the pathetic chickens.

I mean come onnnnnn. There isn’t a hose pipe ban and it’s not like you offer the children’s burning skin any relief from the big ball of fire in the sky in the form of shade. Seriously the slides are so hot you can see the kids coming down crying with 3rd degree burns on the backs of their legs.

Not good for all ages 

Not only that lets be honest its pretty crap for the ages between walking and 4/5 years old. If your kids walking its going to get its head bashed open on something take your pick, the rocks, the ten tonne see saw or maybe run in front of the zip wire as a chubby kid goes feet first into your toddlers head!

If your child does manage to get up the steps to the climbing frame they will then have to Indiana Jones it over the chain bridge with every possibility your kids wobbly legs will cave in and plummet through the kid sized gaps to the rock solid floor below. Let me give you a hint if your kids can walk and are below the age of 4 stick them on the swing and feed them sweets for an hour its safer!

Messy 

Another little bonus is the small amount of water the older kids do manage to get hold of is then bottled up in whatever empty bottles they can find knocking around (1lt white lightning bottles) they then run over to the one safer slide and turn it into a water slide. Aka a pool of mud mixed with sweat at the bottom smeared all over the slide. Please don;t give me that kids will be kids line because its a load of crap. Kids will be what their parents allow them to be. In most cases little brats so mummy and daddy can sit on the picnic benches chain smoking and necking their cans of gin and tonic that they got from B&M!

Left for greener pastures

Needless to say we left and went to a quieter more suitable park for little ones. Now I know I’ve been a bit mean/snobby but some of the parks I’ve been to recently have opened my eyes to the possibility of being able to cater for all ages.

On the plus side the older kids love it and most of the time play nicely. There is a really cool skate park which when it’s quiet is really good to take my eldest to on his scooter. If it’s busy avoid ,The older kids take no prisoners most likely because they’re so stoned there reaction times are pretty much none existent. Seriously walking past and I start to get paranoid 😉 “mummy whats that smell?” “Clark that’s the smell of disappointment and failure”




Garth park stats : 

Distance from Bicester: 0 mins
Sat Nav: The Garth, Launton Rd, Bicester OX26 6PS Click for Directions 
Accessibility: 10/10 (various options, car best)
Wheelchair friendly: Yes
Equipment upkeep: 5/10 (Not functioning)
Cleanliness: 8/10
Facilities: 10/10 cafe, toilets, parking etc
Age range: 4/5 year plus
Safety: 3/10
Fun factor: If it was based on my fun 1/10

Conclusion 

Tip before visiting. Stick your sat nav on and get to one of the other parks I’ve reviewed on my page.
Please feel free to add your positive comments as i;m fully aware I’ve been a bit brutal today but its hot and I’m melting!

For better parks to visit in the area have a look at my other review HERE

For the website of the cafe in garth park (Savoir fare) click HERE

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