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Melody Music Baby Group

Tuesday was bloody cold so i decided to take Elliot along to the Melody music group at St Edburg’s church hall. I was a shitting it a little bit because when i took Elliot to Ready 2 Tumble on the Monday he was a right turd so had to pull out the “thinking step” a few times.  

Were going on a squirrel hunt

We were one of the last people there because we took a detour to squirrel hunt in the graveyard. Calm your tits Agatha we didn’t actually hunt and kill them we just went spotting them. Although i reckon with Elliot’s precision if i gave him a long bow we’d be feasting on squirrel tonight. Hope that hasn’t offended any vegetarians of vegans out there. 

Offensive joke

How do you know when a vegan has walked into the room? 
Because they will fucking tell you and everyone else in the room! Then again every 5 mins until they or you leave. 

Back on track 

Sorry back on track. Yes we were one of the last in but luckily found a spot one one of the slippiest mats in the world. Haha nearly stacked it and broke my coccyx, be careful when running round after your kids if you like your nose. It was slightly amusing watching the kids trying to escape the grasps of their parents. Then as soon as they picked up speed. Boom down they fell. Absolutely ingenious way to keep all the kids in 1 area if you ask me. 

On a serious note the mats do save your arses and your children from the solid floor below and provides some comfort while you try and belt out wind the bobbin up for the 50th time in a week. Ha who am i kidding double that to 100 times in 2 days Lets be realistic here. 

I hate singing. There i said it. Also hate performing,  hated music and drama at school and i hate musicals (apart from the greatest showman) so the idea of Melody music is pretty much pure hell to me. 

She ain’t no Adele

Don’t worry though! If you’re like me and don’t want to sing you don’t have to because everyone else will be. Just move your mouth and look like you’re joining in. If you’re worried about how shit your singing voice is bloody hell don’t be. This place will put you at ease. No offence but Sarah (Love you) she’s the lady who runs melody music. Doesn’t exactly have the voice of Adele and the other mum’s are just happy to be out of the house (aren’t we all). You’re not trying out for the next x-factor or rock choir. 

I found myself joining in. Probably looked/sounded like fat Amy from pitch perfect (Love that film) but i gave it a good go. That’s until Elliot tuned round, looked me dead in the eyes and said schush. Great one! thanks Elliot i guess that’s why you don’t get sung to sleep. 

Instruments galore 

Sarah has loads of instruments out for the kids to play with. Some which i have never seen before in my life. I was worried that Elliot would just end up using them as weapons to take out the competition but he seemed to be in a better mood than he was on Monday! 

We did a bit of singing and dancing. Elliot’s Favourite was the hokey cokey. Probably because i was launching him across the floor every time we had to put an arm or a leg in. The dancing is like a work out. I’m so unfit especially when it came to the grand old duke of York. When they were up they were up but when they were up i was man down!

Christmas session 

As this was a Christmas session the kids got to decorate a Christmas tree that Sarah brought in. Elliot loved this and to be fair to all of the kids it looks a shite load better than the monstrosity that i have lurking in the corner of my front room. 


Then it was onto Christmas craft. You could physically see the kids eyes enlarge at the site of all the glue, paint and glitter. I can imagine in their heads they were squealing with delight “fuck yes mummy doesn’t let me play with the good shit at home” 

It was carnage, in a good way. Elliots Santa ended up looking like a guy halfway through a face transplant. There was so much glitter I’m sure i inhaled some. The kids will have sparkling shits for days. I tried to clean some up but as i did so i looked at what i had made. It looked like i was cutting a line ready to snort it! (as seen on naughty films when they do drugs) 

Craft done, Shit pit made along with lots of memories for the wall (maybe 1 for the bin) and it was time for more singing and bubbles! 


Bubbles the bane of my life. I used to love bubbles until Elliot and Clark developed an addiction for them like a crack whore is addicted to cocaine. Its all fun and games until the bubbles run out or we have to put them away. Then all hell breaks lose the kids hulk out, Throw paddy’s, sulk, all the time Elliot screaming “more” like some deranged lunatic.

Thankfully Sarah distracted them with ribbons after the bubbles. These weren’t just any ribbons these were the kind attached to a plastic pole on a mini chain. Pretty cool, Elliot especially loved them once he’d figured out he could double them up as nun chucks! then i spent the best part of 5 mins trying to stop him from whipping the eyes out of a new born while looking like i was in complete control of the situation. 


On another serious note. Although i joke Elliot was pretty well behaved there was so much for him to do and the whole environment was pretty chilled which i think reflected on his behavior. The classes are super popular and i can see why. Its really good for all ages and its jam packed with things for the kids to do. Although its a bit more structured than were used to is was still fine for the kids to do as they wanted (within reason) so if your kids get bored and wonder off to play with the radiator covers let them. 

Helpful bits 

The Melody music groups running at the moment are: 

  • Tuesday’s @St Edburgs church hall. 10am – 11am.
  • Tuesday’s Sarah also runs a  boogie ballet class @St Edburg’s church hall. 11.30am – 12pm 
  • Wednesday’s @Launton sports and social club. 9.15am – 10.15am

Melody music groups are £4 per child and additional siblings £1 each, Childminder/nanny rate £5 for unlimited children. Which in my opinion i would say is really good value for money. 

You can pre book a space for the classes on line HERE. Or you could message Sarah on the Melody Music Facebook site HERE. You could also book melody music for a kids birthday party too. 

For more baby groups in the area check out my handy baby group guide HERE

Photo’s : 


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